One night, years ago, I was lying in bed with my husband (then boyfriend) in our Sydney pad (that we rented… oh how I wished we owned it 😂) and we had a conversation that went like this:
Me: Damian, I can’t get to sleep
Me: (ignoring Damo) I can’t get to sleep because I am worried about how much I am worrying.
Damian: hysterical laughter! Which made me giggle too. When calm he answers me and gives me a cuddle ‘only u magoo (what he calls me) would say that, and it has to be the most ridiculous thing you have ever said to me.’
He then rolled over and went to sleep….
I am a person that likes a good worry. I am always fine when it comes down to it but I like a good worry beforehand. But I never worried about my health. I just worried about the silly everyday stuff.
I also love a good quote, which, if you have been reading my blog, you would know. I have two favourite people I like to get quotes from. Winnie the Pooh, and Mark Twain.
Mark Twain was a wise fellow. He even has a quote that sums up the above story well.
I have spent my life worrying about things that never happened and now something has happened I have spent little time worrying about it! This is because when you are in the eye of a storm you just get on with it.
I know that I am not going to change my personality, I am still going to worry about things. However this shitty cancer has shown me I am pretty strong when I need to be, and that is a really nice thing to have learned about myself.
It has also taught me something else. I have learned from this cancer that it is a personal battle, and this has lead me to realise what a lovely little bubble I live in, and that I should be doing more for others. What legacy will I leave for the boys? What good will I leave behind? What have I given back for my life? Right now, to be honest, not a lot.
So it’s time now, to focus on beyond my own little world and focus on the bigger world and see, what, in my own small way, I can do to make it a better place. We can’t all rely on ‘3 score years and 10’ as my grandad used to say. We need to make the most of now. We need to leave a positive imprint.
I learned this as over the past 5 months, since my cancer diagnosis, so much has happened around the world. There is drought and famine in Africa, Venezuela is on the brink of civil war, Syria and the refugee crisis continues, there is cholera and starvation in Yemen. Korea and the USA are at nuclear loggerheads, and then 4 European terror attacks… sadly I could go on…the world is a mess! Compared to far too many people, I am cruising along quite nicely, even with cancer!
So that is what I am going to fill my head with through round 6. Instead of worrying about the small stuff. What am I going to do to make sure I leave a positive imprint.
So roll on round 6… I am ready for u. This is because in the big scheme of things, I am still ok, lucky and happy, even on chemo, and so many people (too many) are going through unimaginable hardship and heartbreak.
I will leave you with my favourite Mark Twain quotes that I think are pretty cool. The last one I tried to read to my boys the other day and they were like ‘what u on mummy 😂😂😂😂 ‘