3. WOW. Surgery. Shit.

Do not recommend. 

Although 4 days later, I went home, so actually it wasn’t that bad, it also saved my life, so of course I do really recommend it! 

It’s just, when you are going through it, WOW.

During my hospital stay, I felt smelly and stale and not myself, no matter how much nice smelly shower gel I put on or how long I cleaned my teeth. 

Being ill, it’s so humiliating and humbling and takes u to a dark space. My sister didn’t let me settle there though. She kept dragging me back up to the light. She would stroke my hair and whisper in my ear ‘this isn’t you, it’s just a moment that will pass’. Damian, my husband, did not leave my side, once I came out of recovery. Staff said nothing. Just found him a bed. So I felt like crap, but I also felt loved.  

I did make it home for Olivers 4th birthday, and we had a wonderful party in the garden, with the sun shining, and our family and friends all there to make sure it was special and mummy’s frailness not quite so obvious. 

Sam, my eldest cried a few times. He misses ‘mummy’s big cuddles’ and is worried ‘sid will come back’ while Oliver is young enough to be oblivious. 

However the sad moments were fleeting. Sam loved telling everyone about mummy’s operation and her ‘gross’ scar, asking if people wanted to see it – luckily everyone politely declined! He also thinks that while I am sick, I am lucky as I don’t have to go to work, and if I want him to stay home too, he doesn’t mind! 
That is not to say it was not an emotionally wobbly time. I cried a lot, but I laughed along to Michael McIntyre autobiography too (on Audio book). Its an extreme experience, extreme highs and feelings of strength and extreme low’s and fear.

Giardia sent us all in the wrong direction, and when we did look at alternatives we all went down the IBD route, as that is in my family. It was just unlucky that I got both Giardia and Cancer, what are the odds of that happening? According to my Doctor, who almost fell off his chair when he heard my diagnosis, said I am a once in a career case. So the odds are very low. 

It is 2 weeks till we know what Sid is and how devastating he has been. I hope he is the nicest cancer u can ever have. Not Mr Evil himself.

In the meantime, heal, ask for help, enjoy all my family around me, and my friends helping me. Spend time with my boisterous beautiful boys and watch some box sets with my lovely hubby. And Hope. Hope that we have caught it in time. Hope that I am a Bowel Cancer success story.

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